The reason why I love Halloween season has nothing to do with dressing up nor with seeking the thrill of being scared.
When I was six years old my father left my mother with three young girls. Being the oldest of the three I felt a heavy responsibility, Halloween was the day that I could distract my mind. Halloween was the first “holiday” of the holidays that ended the year.
At the time my mom’s younger sisters were teenagers and they made Halloween an event we would never forget and haven’t forgotten. We were their little dolls, our aunts would dress us up in all kinds of costumes. They would hype Halloween so much I can still remember the scent around the house, I can still remember the energy and the emotion that filled the halls of the house. That one day, October 31st was usually the day I would be free from missing my father, I didn’t have any worry other than worrying if I was going to have plenty of room in my bag for candy.
Year after year Halloween became a delightful chocolate truffle I enjoyed.
Today as an adult I am chasing after that Halloween high. I seek the same scent, the energy and the emotion I had when I was little.
We don’t know anything about time.
When people say, “oh it’s perfect timing“-they mean …
that whatever happened at the time it happened, happened at a time that was convenient for them not even aware of God’s timing.
God’s time seems not so perfect to us as humans, but it is PERFECT and it is the GREATEST time of all.
I now look at my life and see that everything fell into place at God’s perfect time. I did throw some tantrums here and there because I thought God didn’t know what He was doing.
All though this is not the end I cannot help but rejoice that I haven’t taken time into my own hands.
At a perfect time I traveled, I have found the man of my dreams and after a couple of careers I finally found the career I enjoy.
Between you and I, being a step mom is wonderful BUT I am relying on God’s perfect timing to have a child of my own.
I still don’t know what to share on this blog.
I don’t know if it should be for personal use like diary or to archive makeup looks.
I believe we are temples of the Holy Spirit.
I use the word castle to represent my temple, So when I say “in this castle“, that is everything that I have inside of me.
I’m giving you my all.
My whole life I have suffered from chronic anxiety.
I was chained up to anxiety until 2016, when I realized because of anxiety I didn’t do many things, I didn’t take many opportunities.
On the outside I was cool, calm and collective and I wore an expressionless face, but inside…
every nerve in my body was raging with anxiety, panic and disorder.
She had me in twined in every letter of her name, she had me chained to follow her everywhere, she had me choking on everything that I did.
Nowadays Anxiety wants to crawl up on me like an ant. She wants to spend time with me like an old friend. She wants to talk to me, but I don’t answer.
There are times when she gets rather close, those are the times where I have to get physical and kick her ass.
I had a blog back in 2009 or 2010 -I really don’t know when really. I force myself not to remember that first decade of the 2000s.
But here I am.
I decided to open my heart once again and write what is in my spirit and mind.
I do like most social media and if I can be honest, I am really expressive on SnapChat. I see how it’s all visual and it might just be me that thinks that writing and reading is slowly being forgotten or altered. Those little emojis (which I am obsessed with) and short hand slang are the language now, huh?
Well, as I let you in my world I am hoping you can keep up and enjoy my humor.