Why Halloween?

The reason why I love Halloween season has nothing to do with dressing up nor with seeking the thrill of being scared.

When I was six years old my father left my mother with three young girls. Being the oldest of the three I felt a heavy responsibility, Halloween was the day that I could distract my mind. Halloween was the first “holiday” of the holidays that ended the year.

At the time my mom’s younger sisters were teenagers and they made Halloween an event we would never forget and haven’t forgotten. We were their little dolls, our aunts would dress us up in all kinds of costumes. They would hype Halloween so much I can still remember the scent around the house, I can still remember the energy and the emotion that filled the halls of the house. That one day, October 31st was usually the day I would be free from missing my father, I didn’t have any worry other than worrying if I was going to have plenty of room in my bag for candy.

Year after year Halloween became a delightful chocolate truffle I enjoyed.

Today as an adult I am chasing after that Halloween high. I seek the same scent, the energy and the emotion I  had when I was little.

Negative-

Currently.

Honestly.

We don’t have any money.

I do not even have $20 in my bank account. I am worried about paying our bills. I am worried about being negative in the bank. I’m worried about not having enough money to continue with my Halloween decorating this season.

Christian really makes this “hard moment” so much fun. He has made laying in bed talking about nothingness a moment I will cherish forever.

And then God provides, like HE always does.

It’s Time

We don’t know anything about time.

When people say, “oh it’s perfect timing“-they mean …

that whatever happened at the time it happened, happened at a time that was convenient for them not even aware of God’s timing.

God’s time seems not so perfect to us as humans, but it is PERFECT and it is the GREATEST time of all.

I now look at my life and see that everything fell into place at God’s perfect time. I did throw some tantrums here and there because I thought God didn’t know what He was doing.

All though this is not the end I cannot help but rejoice that I haven’t taken time into my own hands.
At a perfect time I traveled, I have found the man of my dreams and after a couple of careers I finally found the career I enjoy.

P.S.

Between you and I, being a step mom is wonderful BUT I am relying on God’s perfect timing to have a child of my own.

R A W

I was inspired to do a look by heartbreak.

When we go through a break up (as a woman) honestly no one wants to get-up-and-get ready and look nice all one wants to do is be in their pajamas eat ice cream and watch a movie.

Or at least that’s what I did for about a good 2 years after one of my breakups; which was a miserable time and a wasted time spending crying for somebody else. It’s pointless I should have just taken day cried it all out and then let go, but no I tortured myself for 2 years that was ridiculous-now that I think of it.

So for my model’s look I wanted a very organic, but beautiful melancholy look. I wanted for the make up to POP and let her eyes tell the story.

So here I used ELF EYEBROW KIT to do her freckles. For her eyebrows I used the ANASTACIAS PENCIL in Medium. Her lips, a very bold color off camera, JEFFREY STAR’s 714 Velour Liquid Lipstick. I used rose water to set everything.

I am very happy with this look.

Here are some candid shots:

El Son de la Negra

I am pretty much obsessed with this look.

I got inspiration from a Pinterest post and I ran with it. Also I very was very much inspired by a song that my mom’s uncles and cousins used to play at family parties and I just wanted to bring my own touch to it.

My sister and I went to scour the city to find a graffiti wall or a mural wall but instead we found ourselves passing through a cemetery and since there was plenty of sun light I decided to have a photo shoot right there in the cemetery.

I find the pictures to be spectacular and it all has tied together to do the perfect mirage and vision that I wanted to accomplish.

Anxiety, You W*tch

My whole life I have suffered from chronic anxiety.

I was chained up to anxiety until 2016, when I realized because of anxiety I didn’t do many things, I didn’t take many opportunities.

On the outside I was cool, calm and collective and I wore an expressionless face, but inside…

every nerve in my body was raging with anxiety, panic and disorder.

She had me in twined in every letter of her name, she had me chained to follow her everywhere, she had me choking on everything that I did.

Nowadays Anxiety wants to crawl up on me like an ant. She wants to spend time with me like an old friend. She wants to talk to me, but I don’t answer.

There are times when she gets rather close, those are the times where I have to get physical and kick her ass.